Wait Wait Don’t Eat Me

Summary:

“We’re going to be cutting our show a little short today, because, as you may have heard, there’s an apocalypse happening! But we didn’t let the election of Barack Obama stop us, and we’re not going to let the zombie hordes stop us either.”

CARL: From NPR and Chicago Public Radio, this is Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me, the NPR news quiz. I’m Carl Kasell, and here’s your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago: Peter Sagal!

PETER: Thanks, Carl! Hello, everyone! We’re going to be cutting our show a little short today, because, as you may have heard, there’s an apocalypse happening! But we didn’t let the election of Barack Obama stop us, and we’re not going to let the zombie hordes stop us either. After the show today, myself, Carl, and the panelists will be taking our families to the secret underground NPR bunker, and no, you can’t come. I bet you wish you’d donated more during that last pledge drive!

PAULA: Sure, rub it in.

MO: The mug with the NPR logo was just too appealing.

PETER: To play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That’s 1-888-924-8924. Our first and only listener-contestant is on the line. What’s your name?

ZOMBIE: Brains?

PETER: Actually, according to my card here, your name is Steve Ryerson, from right here in Chicago! Steve is, or I should say was, an investment banker, and we all know they were the first to be targeted and converted into mindless zombies.

TOM: You mean they weren’t before?

MO: It explains a lot about the financial collapse.

PETER: Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, a contributor to CBS Sunday Morning, Mo Rocca!

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PETER: Steve, we feel bad for you, and the zombie hordes are beginning to break down the doors, so we’re going to give you a bonus question. If you get this, you win the game. This is our Listener Limerick Challenge, where you have to fill in the last word or phrase to complete the rhyme.

CARL: This problem is causing us pain // Though zombies we try to restrain // They’re swarming in hordes // And knocking down doors // They just want to eat all our…

STEVE: Uh…

PAULA: Come on, Steve!

MO: You can do it!

STEVE: …

PETER: Rhymes with pain and restrain? Maybe with an “S” on the end?

STEVE: Brains?

PETER: Yes! Brains! You’ve won our prize, Carl Kasell’s voice on your home answering machine.

STEVE: Brains!

PETER: You said it, Steve. Thanks for calling. Support for this show is now a moot point. Look for us in the new underground cave system, where we will be mocking whatever new system of government is set up. We look forward to the inevitable day when Silvio Berlusconi tries to trade half of Italy’s food supply for a dog-eared copy of the April 2006 issue of Playboy magazine.

MO: He can have my back issues of National Geographic for some canned soup.

PETER: Thanks to our panelists, and thanks to you for listening. And to the zombies, thank you for having the good taste not to eat us while we were doing the show. This is NPR, National Public Radio.

Wait Wait Don’t Eat Me – Nestra – RPF – National Public Radio [Archive of Our Own].

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